You are probably over your ex when thoughts of them come less often, reminders sting without wrecking your day, and you are no longer waiting for them to change their mind. This check-in turns that into 12 statements and gives a result of still raw, steadying or mostly through, scored in your browser.
How to know you’re over your ex
There is no single moment, and no feeling that proves it. What changes is the amount of space they take up. You are over an ex when the relationship has become something that happened to you, rather than something still happening in your head.
The 12 statements look at five areas where that shift tends to show:
- Thoughts about them: how often they come up, and how much you replay the ending.
- Checking and urges: whether you still look at their profile, ask friends about them, or feel pulled to make contact.
- Reactions and reminders: what a song, a photo or news of a new partner does to your day.
- Looking forward: whether your picture of the future still has them in it, or is waiting for them to return.
- Day-to-day life: sleep, eating, work and plans of your own, plus whether you feel hopeless.
How the scoring works
Each statement uses a five-point scale from Not at all (0 points) to Very much (4 points). Some statements describe steadiness, such as “Whole days go by when I do not think about them.” For those, a high answer earns more points.
Others describe being stuck, such as “I still go over what happened several times a day.” These are reverse scored: Very much counts as 0 points and Not at all counts as 4. Mixing the two kinds stops you from drifting into agreeing with everything. The total, from 0 to 48, is a steadiness score.
The cut-offs are ours, chosen to make the result readable. They are not clinical thresholds and have not been tested in a study, so a score near an edge could fall on either side.
| Score | Result | What it tends to look like |
|---|---|---|
| 0 to 19 | Still raw | Recent or heavy. Thoughts, urges and reminders still shape much of the day. |
| 20 to 35 | Steadying | Mixed. Some areas feel solid and others still pull you back, often in waves. |
| 36 to 48 | Mostly through | Thoughts and reminders come and go without taking over. Your plans are your own. |
What each result means, and what to work on next
Still raw means the work is to lower the daily load, not to feel over it. Sleep, food and one honest person come first. Then remove what reopens the wound: mute, archive and reroute.
Steadying is the middle of recovery, and it moves in waves. A hard day does not undo the progress. Pick your lowest area and change one thing for two weeks. Track the gap between bad moments, not whether they happen.
Mostly through does not mean never feeling it again. Birthdays and anniversaries can still sting. Plan for the known dates and keep investing in what is yours. The signs you are over your ex guide lists what else tends to change.
Under the result you will also see each area as a percentage, and up to two tips for the areas under 70%. Those are your “what to work on next”.
Why does one statement ask about hopelessness?
Because a breakup can sometimes tip into something heavier than a breakup. The statement “I feel hopeless most days” is part of the day-to-day area, but it is also a safety check. If you answer Quite a lot or Very much, the first thing on your result will be a panel with crisis lines. If you answer Somewhat, you will see a gentler note and a link to our safety page.
In the US you can call or text 988. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans is on 116 123. In India, Tele-MANAS is on 14416. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. You do not have to wait until the breakup eases to ask for help.
How long until I’m healed? Use the check-in over time
This is a snapshot, so one result tells you less than a few of them. Take it again in a few weeks and compare the area bars. A rising total is encouraging, but a single area that moves is also progress. Healing is rarely even across all five.
If you want a rough planning range for how long the hardest part may take, the breakup recovery time estimator weighs factors like how long you were together and how the relationship ended. The two tools answer different questions: that one looks ahead, and this one checks where you are today.
How private is this check-in, and what are its limits?
Scoring happens in your browser. Your answers are not sent to us or saved, and the page records only that a check-in was completed, never what you chose.
It cannot tell you whether you should get back in touch, whether they have moved on, or whether a relationship was healthy. It is also not a screening for depression or any other condition. It is a short, honest look at the last couple of weeks.
Common questions
Is there a real quiz to tell if I’m healed from my breakup?
No test can say you are healed, because there is no fixed standard for it. This check-in is a reflection: 12 statements about your recent thoughts, urges, reactions and daily life, scored into one of three bands. It points to what is steady and what is not yet.
Can I be over my ex and still think about them?
Yes. Being over someone usually means the thoughts have lost their charge, not that they stop. You can remember them, feel a small pang on a birthday, and carry on with your day. If the thoughts still derail you, that is useful information too.
What if I score “mostly through” but I still miss them?
Missing someone and being over the relationship can both be true. A mostly-through score says your life is no longer organised around them. If the missing is sharp, try the signs you are over your ex guide for what else to watch.
My result changes from day to day. Is that normal?
It is common. Recovery goes in waves, and a bad night, a reminder or news of them can shift your answers. If you want a steadier read, answer for the last two weeks as a whole, and retake it in a few weeks to compare.
I am still raw after a long time. What should I do?
Time alone does not always move things, especially if you are still checking on them or in contact. Start with the lowest area bar on your result and change one thing. If you have been stuck for months, or your sleep, work or mood are suffering, a therapist or doctor can help.
What does the hopelessness question do?
It works as a safety check. If you say you feel hopeless most days, your result opens with crisis lines and a link to our safety page before anything else. Nothing is stored or sent, and you can choose to read the rest or not.