A no contact plan is a written set of rules for how, when and whether you will be in touch with someone after a breakup or estrangement. This generator sorts your answers into safety-first, modified no contact, grey rock or full no contact, then gives you rules, scripts, if-then plans and milestone dates. It runs in your browser.
What is a no contact plan, and what should the rules cover?
A no contact plan is the written version of a decision you have probably made in your head a dozen times. It says what counts as contact, what you will do when the urge hits, and who needs to know. The no contact rules are the part you can act on at 11 p.m. without having to think.
Most plans fail for a practical reason, not a lack of will. The phone is on the pillow, the thread is one swipe away and nobody agreed what to do about the lease. A plan fixes those details in advance. If you want the background first, read what the no-contact rule means.
How the generator chooses your plan type
The tool uses a simple sort, not a score. It checks four things in order: whether safety is a concern, whether you have to stay in touch about something real, how the relationship ended, and what you already know about your own weak spots. The first rule that applies decides the plan type.
| Plan type | When you get it | What it means in practice |
|---|---|---|
| Safety-first | You said they threatened, watched or frightened you, or that something feels off. | Hotlines and safety steps come before any contact strategy. No boundary message unless an advocate says it is safe. |
| Modified no contact | You share children, a job or a home, and the ending was not hostile. | Contact only about the shared thing, in one channel, in one or two sentences. Everything else is silence. See modified no contact. |
| Grey rock | You share a tie and the ending involved a lot of conflict, with no safety concern. | Flat, brief, written replies about the practical point only. See the grey rock method. |
| Full no contact | Nothing requires you to be in touch. | No texts, calls, replies or checking from Day 1, with a plan for the friends, accounts and belongings that keep the door open. |
Why does the safety question come first?
Because for some people, going quiet is the riskiest move. If someone has threatened you, followed you or made you afraid, a sudden cut-off can raise the danger, and the right order is safety planning first and contact strategy second. A domestic violence advocate can help you work out what is safest where you live.
If you answer yes, or that you are not sure, the generator shows the hotlines straight away and builds a safety-first plan. It does not offer grey rock or full no contact in that case. Our safety page lists lines for the US, UK and Ireland, and India, and the US National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
What is in your plan
Every plan has the same five parts, written for your answers rather than as a generic list.
- Five to seven rules specific to your plan type, including a rule for the time of day you said is hardest.
- Three scripts you can copy: usually a boundary message, a short reply or a note for friends. Fill in the [brackets] first.
- If-then plans for each hard moment you picked, such as late at night or on social media. "If I am reaching for my phone after 10 p.m., then it goes on the charger in another room" is easier to follow than "stay strong".
- Milestone dates for Day 1, 3, 7, 14, 30, 60 and 90, counted from the start date you choose. They are check-ins, not deadlines.
- A print button, so the plan can live on the fridge or in a drawer instead of an open tab.
What if you have to see them: kids, work or a shared home?
Then full silence is not on the table, and pretending otherwise is how people slip. Modified no contact is the honest version: you keep contact about the shared thing and treat everything else as no contact. Co-parents usually do best with one written channel, such as a co-parenting app or email, and handovers in a public place.
If the other person turns every message into a fight, the plan switches to grey rock. You answer the practical question in one line and ignore the rest. If you want sample wording, the grey rock reply builder has it.
Cutting off a parent or relative is a different decision with different risks. The guide to going no contact with a parent covers it, and this tool's full no contact plan adapts its wording for family.
How to use the milestone dates
Treat each date as a prompt to look back, not a finish line. On Day 7 the useful question is "what time did each urge hit?". On Day 30 it is "which rule needs tightening and which can relax?". Nothing is guaranteed to change on a given day, and a bad Day 40 does not cancel Day 30.
If you want the exact day count at any time, enter your last-contact date in the no-contact calculator. If you slip, restart the count the next morning, write down what happened in the half hour before and keep going.
Is my plan private?
Yes. The generator runs in your browser. Your answers are not submitted, there is no account, and nothing is saved when you close the tab. The only thing the page records is that a plan was built, never what you chose. If you print the plan and you live with someone who frightens you, keep the copy somewhere they cannot find it.
Common questions
What should a no contact plan include?
A clear definition of what counts as contact, a start date, rules for texts, calls and social media, a plan for friends and shared accounts, and an if-then plan for your hardest hours. If you share children, work or a home, it also needs a single channel and a list of topics you will answer. The generator builds all of this from your answers.
What are the basic no contact rules?
No texts, calls, voice notes, replies or checking their profiles, and no passing messages through friends. Mute or archive instead of deleting if you might need a record. The exceptions are real practical ties, such as children, which move you to modified no contact instead.
Which plan is right if I share a child with my ex?
Modified no contact, or grey rock if the relationship ended in a lot of conflict. Both keep contact on the children only, in writing, in one channel. If there has been any threat, violence or fear, the safety-first plan comes before either, and a lawyer or advocate should be part of it.
What if my ex has been abusive or controlling?
Do not start with a no contact message. Talk to a domestic violence advocate first, because leaving or cutting contact can raise risk. In the US the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. Answer the safety question honestly and the tool will route you there before any plan.
Do I need to tell my ex I am going no contact?
No. Silence is also a boundary, and many people never send a message. If you do want to, send it once, keep it short and ask for nothing. Skip it entirely when safety is a concern or when you expect it to start a debate. The plan includes an optional script.
What if I break the plan?
Restart the count the next morning, not after a week of shame. Write down what happened in the half hour before, tell one person and tighten the rule closest to the slip. A slip shows you a trigger. It does not erase the days you already protected.